For some men, opening up about their needs in a relationship is difficult. Social conditioning has made it so many men feel uncomfortable with the idea of being vulnerable in any sense, but especially with women. As a result, many women struggle to understand what it is her partner needs if he can’t communicate what his needs are. Here are three things necessary for men to have a healthy relationship and how to discuss these needs with their partner.
For men, respect often codes as love. When your partner respects you, you can feel that she loves you. If she disapproves of your career or things you find integral to your person, you may struggle to love and trust your partner. If she doesn’t respect who you are, then who’s to say if she wants what’s best for you? Your masculine energy must be respected in your relationship, or you will become emasculated which leads to a host of other issues. If you feel as though your partner does not respect you, communicate these concerns with her. If it becomes clear that she does lack respect for you, then it may be time to reconsider your relationship.
Sex and communication are two ways to connect with your partner. Women tend to value communication while men favor sex. This can sometimes lead to a standoff, as a woman may not want to open up sexually when she doesn’t feel connected, while a man may then find it hard to communicate because they have not been physical with each other recently. Men often need to feel that their partner is sexually available to them in order to feel that the relationship is strong. If he is often rejected for sex, he will no longer feel connected to his partner and will stop attempting to make physical contact.
Feminine energy values time spent together, while masculine energy needs more time alone. Many women feel upset when their partner tells them that they need some time to themselves or time with their male friends, without her tagging along. It seems like a personal insult; shouldn’t you want to spend quality time with the one you love? However, allowing breathing room is a way to ensure your relationship lasts longer and is healthy. Speak with your partner and set boundaries for off-limits time. During this time, your partner should agree to leave you alone (unless there’s a genuine emergency) and respect your need for space. This may take some time for her to get used to, so be gentle in reminding her about this boundary and why it is necessary for you. This works best when men are very intentional about reconnecting with their partner after returning from time away. Eye contact, a hug and/or kiss, some loving and kind words go a long way toward re-establishing the connection and laying the groundwork for the next time space is needed.
Skillfully moving in and out of intimacy (or each others’ space) is a key component of long-term healthy relationships as it builds trust. If you want to learn more about how to gain solid respect in your relationship while still building intimacy, you can study with Tj in private, small group, and retreat settings. Call 855-836-8665 and set up an appointment to learn more.