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Touch is an important tool used to connect with your partner. Touches can be healing and evoke a number of feelings and sensations. When done with another person, touch should always be done very intentionally. In the Ancient Tantra teachings, there are seven different depths and speeds associated with touch.


The first level of touch is a light one, as light as a whisper. You should be barely touching your partner and just softly holding her. The first level of touch corresponds with the first level of speed, which is very slow micro movements. These movements should be so small and slow that your partner is hardly aware of the fact that you are moving. This touch is mainly energetic, coming not just from your body but also from the sun and the earth moving through your body to hers.


After spending some time in the first level of touch, you can move into the second and third level of touch by applying more and more pressure to your touch until you’re giving a light to medium massage. Add more depth to your touch by switching to different movements such as kneading and squeezing. While your touch deepens, you can consider increasing your speed as well. Take notice of what effect each level of touch and speed has on your partner. Experiment with different types of touch, like palpitations or tapping. Remember to keep your touch light to medium unless you and your partner have discussed using a higher level of touch.


You can also practice running energy, which is transferring energy from one hand to the other. Pay attention to how your partner responds when you run energy and when you don’t.


Getting into the higher levels of touch is not something that should happen without a conversation with your partner outside of your session. The higher levels of touch involve an element of pain to them which is something both parties need to consent to before engaging in.


The fifth level of touch is when a mark is left on the skin, but the mark disappears by the time the session is over, for example a rosy glow on the skin from light spanking. This is an area that requires significant communication and well defined boundaries and agreements before you try them. If you choose to experiment with this, agree upon a way to communicate the desire to stop.


The sixth level and seventh levels of touch from the ancient art of Tantra were used more as a ritual element. They cause pain and leave a lasting mark on their skin through scratching, biting, spanking or through other methods. Again, experimenting at this level requires a prior conversation with your partner and for you to set boundaries, including a way to communicate the desire to stop.


Try inviting your partner into a session with the sole purpose of exploring and playing with the levels of speed and touch. Most people will be satisfied with levels one through four, and possibly level five. Keep the line of communication open with your partner and encourage her to provide feedback about your touch and what she likes the most.


Tj provides coaching for men and couples wishing to increase the quality of their relationship, both in and out of the bedroom. Visit Tj’s coaching website to learn more.